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DNA Tests Prove Retired Postman Has Over 1,300 Illegimitate Children

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  Nashville, TN | An 87-year-old former postman has been proven to have fathered over 1,300 illegitimate children after a private investigator hired by a Tennessee family discovered the shocking truth. The investigation that has gathered thousands of DNA samples and testimonies over a 15-year period ultimately proves the man is the father to literally thousands of illegitimate children in the region. “Contraception wasn’t very popular in those days,” he told local reporters in his defense. “I have nothing to be ashamed of. The 60s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played…
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Man Kicked Out Golden Corral After Eating More Than 50LBS Of Food; Sues For $2-million

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SPRINGFIELD,MA – A man from Massachusetts is suing Golden Corral Corporation for 2 million dollars, for false advertising, after being literally thrown out of one of the chain’s restaurants by the employees, last Thursday. According to witnesses, the 51 year old man who lives on welfare, was expelled from the restaurant after he then spent more than 7 hours on-site, ingesting a quantity of food which has been estimated between 50 and 70 pounds. Despite the fact that the restaurant advertised the buffet as “all-you-can-eat”, the manager of the establishment seems to have  lost patience at some point, telling him that his meal would be free but asking him to leave. The manager’s…
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Florida Man Punches Wife In The Face For Saying He Had A Little D!ck 

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Dominique Flower of St. Petersburg punched his wife in the face after asking if he had a “larger male part then her previous boyfriends,” according to authorities. While the criminal complaint does not include his wife’s answer, it does state that Flower, 30, proceeded to strike her in the face after the question was posed on June 22, which caused her left eye to swell. Flower was charged with domestic battery and appeared in court on June 24 where he was ordered to reside with his brother. According to court records, Flower was only allowed one visit back to…
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Rihanna Suing Facebook for Allowing Users to Share Ugly Meme of Her Before the Fame, Wants $50 Million

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“Facebook about to get that work, work work, work work. I want Mark Zuckerberg’s networth, worth worth, worth.” – Rihanna Said the reigning queen of screaming over repetitive worded tracks. Rihanna is suing Facebook after an unattractive meme of her went viral online over the past month. “I could deal with the forehead jokes, but my mama didn’t have no money back then and we was living off of who wanted they d**k sucked for the day” Rihanna says she is willing to drop the lawsuit if Facebook can mark Chris Brown’s Facebook fanpage in the next 30 minutes.…
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5yr-Old Dying Of Cancer Tells Beyonce She Admires Her for Pretending Jay-Z Isn’t Ugly

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“I WOULD BELIEVE EVERYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT HIM IN HER SONGS IF I DIDN’T HAVE MY OWN TWO EYES THAT SEE” – KAYLEE Said five year old Kaylee Brownlee about her favorite artist Beyonce. Beyonce visited a five year old dying of cancer as her last wish and was surprised when the little devil in disguise told Beyonce that she admires her for pretending Jay-Z isn’t ugly. “IF SHE TAKES A CHANCE AND HAS ANOTHER KID WITH HIM NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE. I THINK SHE DESERVES A HUMANITARIAN AWARD OR SOMETHING” – KAYLEE’S MOM Kaylee was…
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Eminem Tells Drake to Chill Before He Fucks Rihanna

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“I WILL FUCK YOUR CAREER AND DREAM GIRL AT THE SAME TIME” Tweeted Eminem to his 50 million twitter fans. Eminem tweeted Drake that he should chill on all the beefing rap battle talk before he fucks his dream girl Rihanna and his career up at the same time. “DRAKE IS AN AMAZING TALENT, BUT HE’S NOT A RAPPER. QUENTIN IS.” – EMINEM Eminem says Drake is good for now, but if he tweets, subliminal’s or even whispers his name he’s gonna let the beige bandit have it.
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The Game Blocks Young Thug on Instagram For Favoriting All His Dick Pics

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“MY DICK PICS ARE FOR FEMALE’S EYES ONLY. JUST BECAUSE HE DRESS LIKE A BITCH DON’T MAKE HIM A WOMAN.” Rapper the Game blocked Young Thug after he favorited all of the rappers famous underwear dick pics that he loves to share on Instagram since he no longer has a rap career. “YOUNG THUG MIGHT AS WELL COME OUT THE CLOSET AND BRING THE REST OF ATL WITH HIM”
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Man Filing for Divorce from Asian Wife Says Their Cats Keep Coming Up Missing 

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“SHE TAKES THEM OUT FOR WALKS, THEN COMES HOME SMELLING LIKE CAT FRIED RICE” Said Duwain about his wife walking their 9th missing cat. A Texas man filed for divorce of 8 years says that he’s doing so, because of his love for animals, after their 5th cat in two years mysteriously disappeared. “I CAN’T BE MARRIED TO A MURDERER NO MATTER HOW GOOD THE HEAD IS” – DUWAIN Duwain says her family owns a restaurant and would hate to think all the food she brings homes at night were his missing pussies.
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Women Stole $160,000 From Multiple Credit Card To Buy Gold Grillz And Breast implants.

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A group of women is accused of stealing people’s personal information to pay for tens of thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery and dental work, police said. It could take decades for the victims to rebound. Police said 11 women took advantage of the scheme to get everything from breast implants to gold teeth. Police told Channel 9 some of the victims were young and hadn’t had lines of credit yet. Now their credit is ruined. Detectives said most of the victims were between 20 and 24 years old. They started receiving bills in the mail saying they…
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WOMAN BEATS 1-YEAR OLD UNCONSCIOUS. PUTS HER IN THE FREEZER, THEN BACK IN HER CRIB WHERE SHE LATER DIED

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A 13-month-old girl with injuries to her face died after being found unresponsive in her in crib in Mount Vernon Friday morning, police said.Little Samia Bartee was discovered in an unkempt apartment on Washington St. at about 5:30 a.m., Mount Vernon Police Commissioner Ronald Fatigate said.Samia was taken to Montefiore Mount Vernon Hospital but could not be revived. Samia’s mom De’Asia Bartee, four other adults and two children were being questioned at Mount Vernon police headquarters Friday, Fatigate said. The death was being investigated as a possible homicide. Samia had no pre-existing health issues, he said. Fatigate denied media…
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