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DNA Tests Prove Retired Postman Has Over 1,300 Illegimitate Children

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  Nashville, TN | An 87-year-old former postman has been proven to have fathered over 1,300 illegitimate children after a private investigator hired by a Tennessee family discovered the shocking truth. The investigation that has gathered thousands of DNA samples and testimonies over a 15-year period ultimately proves the man is the father to literally thousands of illegitimate children in the region. “Contraception wasn’t very popular in those days,” he told local reporters in his defense. “I have nothing to be ashamed of. The 60s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played…

Man Kicked Out Golden Corral After Eating More Than 50LBS Of Food; Sues For $2-million

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SPRINGFIELD,MA – A man from Massachusetts is suing Golden Corral Corporation for 2 million dollars, for false advertising, after being literally thrown out of one of the chain’s restaurants by the employees, last Thursday. According to witnesses, the 51 year old man who lives on welfare, was expelled from the restaurant after he then spent more than 7 hours on-site, ingesting a quantity of food which has been estimated between 50 and 70 pounds. Despite the fact that the restaurant advertised the buffet as “all-you-can-eat”, the manager of the establishment seems to have  lost patience at some point, telling him that his meal would be free but asking him to leave. The manager’s…

5yr-Old Dying Of Cancer Tells Beyonce She Admires Her for Pretending Jay-Z Isn’t Ugly

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“I WOULD BELIEVE EVERYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT HIM IN HER SONGS IF I DIDN’T HAVE MY OWN TWO EYES THAT SEE” – KAYLEE Said five year old Kaylee Brownlee about her favorite artist Beyonce. Beyonce visited a five year old dying of cancer as her last wish and was surprised when the little devil in disguise told Beyonce that she admires her for pretending Jay-Z isn’t ugly. “IF SHE TAKES A CHANCE AND HAS ANOTHER KID WITH HIM NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE. I THINK SHE DESERVES A HUMANITARIAN AWARD OR SOMETHING” – KAYLEE’S MOM Kaylee was…

Florida Man Punches Wife In The Face For Saying He Had A Little D!ck 

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Dominique Flower of St. Petersburg punched his wife in the face after asking if he had a “larger male part then her previous boyfriends,” according to authorities. While the criminal complaint does not include his wife’s answer, it does state that Flower, 30, proceeded to strike her in the face after the question was posed on June 22, which caused her left eye to swell. Flower was charged with domestic battery and appeared in court on June 24 where he was ordered to reside with his brother. According to court records, Flower was only allowed one visit back to…

Rihanna Suing Facebook for Allowing Users to Share Ugly Meme of Her Before the Fame, Wants $50 Million

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“Facebook about to get that work, work work, work work. I want Mark Zuckerberg’s networth, worth worth, worth.” – Rihanna Said the reigning queen of screaming over repetitive worded tracks. Rihanna is suing Facebook after an unattractive meme of her went viral online over the past month. “I could deal with the forehead jokes, but my mama didn’t have no money back then and we was living off of who wanted they d**k sucked for the day” Rihanna says she is willing to drop the lawsuit if Facebook can mark Chris Brown’s Facebook fanpage in the next 30 minutes.…

Chicago Man Arrested for Slapping 25 B*tches Because He Was Tired of B*tches

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A 23 year old Chicago man was arrested last night for slapping 25 Bitches. He said he was tired of bitches playing games so he went to the liquor store on 71st and state brought a 5th of Hennessy and got pissy drunk. He then proceeded to walk down the street and slap the dog sh*t out of every bitch he approached. “I THOUGHT HE WAS A PIMP THE WAY HE WAS SLAPPING THEM HOES AROUND BUT HE AIN’T ASK THEM FOR NO MONEY ” — WITNESS He attempted to slap a heaven set woman and they got into…

Girl Infects 586 Men With HIV On Purpose & Plans On Infecting 2,000 More Before 2017

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Social networks have been abuzz the past couple of days with the story of a female university student who, over a period of 5 months, infected over 580 men with HIV in “revenge”. The student, who’s name has been withheld, claims to have infected married men, lecturers, fellow students and celebrities. According to the report, her aim was to infect 2,000 men with the virus. Her vengeance was met with horror and much criticism from social media. Her new goal is to infect at least 2,000 men as part of what she believes. I know I have nothing left…

Drug Lord Widow Who Banged Usain Bolt Says He Has A Baby D*ck

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People think that fastest man alive is superhuman. What else could explain how someone can bounce back from an injury that fast and still blow the entire competition out of the water. (Other than steroids.) Well, it turns out Bolt might not be totally superhuman after all! He is just like the rest of us. Downstairs… Bolt has been in the headlines all week after a groupie and former wife of a Brazilian gangsta leaked photos of her and Bolt after they banged. We found out Bolt cheated on his super hot girlfriend (pictured below) and made out with…

Rick Ross Celebrates Seeing Dick for First Time in 15 Years After Dropping 100lbs

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LAST TIME I SEEN MY DICK WAS WHEN MY GIRL TOOK A PIC OF IT AND SENT IT TO ME” Said Rick Ross celebrating all his hard work and weight loss. Rick Ross threw a party in Atlanta celebrating the reuniting of him and his manhood after being able to see his penis for the first time in years “ITS LIKE ME AND MY DICK BEEN BEEFING FOR YEARS AND FINALLY DECIDED TO BE GROWN MEN AND SQUASH THAT SHIT” Rick Ross says he plans to masturbate for the next few years just to make up for lost time.

New Research Claims That Going Down On Women Is Good For Your Health

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Recently a study was released that had men jumping for joy. The State University of New York found that performing oral s*x on men was actually beneficial in a health related way! While men are jumping up and down, women are now joining them as a parallel study has been released which says that cunnilingus has it’s own health benefits as well, which affect both men and women. The Kinsey Institute of Indiana University, looked at over 150 straight and lesbian couples. Half the group was instructed to heavily get down orally in their relationship. The other half was…
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