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DNA Tests Prove Retired Postman Has Over 1,300 Illegimitate Children

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  Nashville, TN | An 87-year-old former postman has been proven to have fathered over 1,300 illegitimate children after a private investigator hired by a Tennessee family discovered the shocking truth. The investigation that has gathered thousands of DNA samples and testimonies over a 15-year period ultimately proves the man is the father to literally thousands of illegitimate children in the region. “Contraception wasn’t very popular in those days,” he told local reporters in his defense. “I have nothing to be ashamed of. The 60s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played…

Man Kicked Out Golden Corral After Eating More Than 50LBS Of Food; Sues For $2-million

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SPRINGFIELD,MA – A man from Massachusetts is suing Golden Corral Corporation for 2 million dollars, for false advertising, after being literally thrown out of one of the chain’s restaurants by the employees, last Thursday. According to witnesses, the 51 year old man who lives on welfare, was expelled from the restaurant after he then spent more than 7 hours on-site, ingesting a quantity of food which has been estimated between 50 and 70 pounds. Despite the fact that the restaurant advertised the buffet as “all-you-can-eat”, the manager of the establishment seems to have  lost patience at some point, telling him that his meal would be free but asking him to leave. The manager’s…

5yr-Old Dying Of Cancer Tells Beyonce She Admires Her for Pretending Jay-Z Isn’t Ugly

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“I WOULD BELIEVE EVERYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT HIM IN HER SONGS IF I DIDN’T HAVE MY OWN TWO EYES THAT SEE” – KAYLEE Said five year old Kaylee Brownlee about her favorite artist Beyonce. Beyonce visited a five year old dying of cancer as her last wish and was surprised when the little devil in disguise told Beyonce that she admires her for pretending Jay-Z isn’t ugly. “IF SHE TAKES A CHANCE AND HAS ANOTHER KID WITH HIM NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE. I THINK SHE DESERVES A HUMANITARIAN AWARD OR SOMETHING” – KAYLEE’S MOM Kaylee was…

Rihanna Suing Facebook for Allowing Users to Share Ugly Meme of Her Before the Fame, Wants $50 Million

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“Facebook about to get that work, work work, work work. I want Mark Zuckerberg’s networth, worth worth, worth.” – Rihanna Said the reigning queen of screaming over repetitive worded tracks. Rihanna is suing Facebook after an unattractive meme of her went viral online over the past month. “I could deal with the forehead jokes, but my mama didn’t have no money back then and we was living off of who wanted they d**k sucked for the day” Rihanna says she is willing to drop the lawsuit if Facebook can mark Chris Brown’s Facebook fanpage in the next 30 minutes.…

Florida Man Punches Wife In The Face For Saying He Had A Little D!ck 

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Dominique Flower of St. Petersburg punched his wife in the face after asking if he had a “larger male part then her previous boyfriends,” according to authorities. While the criminal complaint does not include his wife’s answer, it does state that Flower, 30, proceeded to strike her in the face after the question was posed on June 22, which caused her left eye to swell. Flower was charged with domestic battery and appeared in court on June 24 where he was ordered to reside with his brother. According to court records, Flower was only allowed one visit back to…

Peyton Manning To Retire From Football To Work At Papa Johns

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DENVER – After winning Super Bowl 50 with his beloved Denver Broncos team against Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers, Peyton Manning has announced that he will officially be retiring from professional football and work full-time at the Papa Johns closest to his home. After not revealing whether or not he would retire from football during post-game interviews following his second Super Bowl victory, Peyton Manning announced his decision Tuesday Afternoon to Broncos management. “I believe it’s the appropriate thing to do” said Manning, “I believe retiring with my last match being a Super Bowl victory is the right…

Two Florida Men Agreed To Settle Their Online Beef In Person, Both Died In A Shootout!

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Two men died after gunshots rang out during an argument in front of a West Augustine business Saturday morning. Canyon Charles Molitor, 25, was confirmed dead of multiple gunshot wounds at the scene not long after deputies and personnel from St. Johns County Fire Rescue arrived at the parking lot of the King Food Mart

Gay Couple Discovers They Are Long Lost Twins!

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A New Jersey couple had the surprise of their life after a DNA test proved the lovers were in fact twin brothers. Both men were induced into going after DNA tests after friends and family members urged them to check out if they had any family ties due to their remarkable resemblance. “We did the tests partly as a joke and to shut up some of our friends who were constantly teasing us about being cousins,” remarks Jason. “Never did I expect to learn we were in fact long lost twins” he admits, visibly disheartened by the news. “The…

Ohio Pregnant Teenager Says Jesus Is The Father Of Her Baby

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OHIO – Latifah Smith-Nabengana, a pregnant 15-year-old teenager from Ohio has claimed that Jesus Christ is the father of her unborn baby. According to her, an angel, during an encounter in July 2015, ‘divinely impregnated’ her while explaining that she she had been chosen to bear a child for Jesus Christ. World News Daily Report quoted her to have said: “He told me that he was a Nephilim, like those described in the Bible. “He told that he had a message from Jesus, He said that I was going to be pregnant, and that I would give birth to…

Busted: Did Odell Beckham Jr. Get Caught Checking Drake Out At #NBAAllStarTO?

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OBJ Beckham Gets Caught Staring (AGAIN) Star wideout Odell Beckham, Jr. is great at three things: 1) making eye-popping plays on the field 2) sassily man-twerking on camera and 3) getting caught in suspect scenarios that now include NBA All-Star weekend 2016 where he appeared to plot on Drizzy’s Canadian cakes during the celebrity game. Bad angle? Maybe, but the internet internetted anyway. Hit the flip for a look into OBJ’s latest hilariously suspect adventure.  
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